Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
