John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
