There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
