Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You ruined the universe
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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