Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
