Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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