Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
