Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
