he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just high enough for therapy.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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