We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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