I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
