hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
i've created a new STD.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
