ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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