It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
