my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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