You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
