Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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