I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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