We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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