I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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