I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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