is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
