some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
