We named our party play list daddy issues
I just gift wrapped bread.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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