The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
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Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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