she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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