yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
