If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
