Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I have demons in me.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
tell me about the eggs
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
