why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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