they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
