I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
