Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
