I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
