Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
