I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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