I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
