one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
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Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
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It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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