Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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