The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
