Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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