He uses pillows to masturbate.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
