My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
