oh god the rape fog is back!
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
