Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Your cock deserves a montage
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
