I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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