I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
