i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
