Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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