Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
either way he was missing a nipple.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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