I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
