Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
