I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
