I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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