i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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