Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
