matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
