Your mouth is God's brothel.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
