Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
